Shut Your Kid Up…Or Don’t.


This is a public service announcement that I have put out into the cosmos before, and now I am going to repeat.  Especially if you’re a parent or ever THINK about being a parent, this is important:

When you allow your child to SCREAM AND SCREAM AND SCREAM….you are doing yourself a disservice, annoying the FUCK out of anyone who is within earshot, and endangering your child.

I am currently listening to BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMS coming from my neighbor’s yard.   Seriously, they do not sound like screams of happy, they sound like someone is peeling the skin off of a 4 year old.  Slowly. While sprinkling her with salt.

Other than being super irritated, I am doing nothing.

Not a fucking thing.

I was alarmed for a second but…nah.

You know why?

Because THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR WEEKS.  Every day.  For weeks.  For hours at a time.

The first day, I jolted to attention, silenced my music, and went out to see what was going on.

Across the fence were small children.  Laughing, yes, happy, yes, but SCREAAAAAAAAAMING at the top of their lungs.  Just to hear themselves scream I guess.

After two or three days of this…hearing blood curdling screams, mama-bear prompting me to see what the problem is…I now do nothing.

Someone could be eating your child alive.  Using them as a penis cozy.  Setting them on fire while singing God Bless Fucking America.

I will do nothing.

Because I am done getting up and running across the room to see your child screaming like a fucking moron and you sitting there with your jaw hanging slack, a Coors Light in your hand, and reading your Kindle.

This is your fault.

My father, after the first time I can remember screaming for no reason, jolting him to alertness and prompting him to run around the corner to see what was murdering me, let me know in NO uncertain terms that IF I EVER did that shit again, that he would “give me a reason to cry”.  He was all talk, with me, as he wouldn’t have lifted a finger.  But the ever effective threat was there…and you know what?

Yeah, that was enough for me.

If you give any shits about the safety of your kid, shut it up.  Now.

Or I might.

But probably not because I no longer care.

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