Ashley Madison, Expectations of Privacy, and Other Fairytales

Ok kids, let’s review:

When you put your personal information on the internet, you should have zero expectation of privacy.

Repeat after me.

When you put your personal information on the internet, you should have zero expectation of privacy.

How much expectation?


Zeeerrrrrrooohhhhh. None.

Would you like to think your information is private? Yes. So would I. But, ultimately, privacy breeches can happen. Is that an excuse for you to dox me or anyone else? No, don’t be a cunt.

But a timely example of why we should be careful about what information we put forth into the cosmos? The recent Ashley Madison “holy shit, all my information that I thought was private is no longer private” incident.

And I don’t even care if these fuckers were banging people other than their wives or husbands. That’s their issue, and it’s between them, But you gotta admit…little bit of karma. I’ve had karma bite me in the ass, and it stings. Oh lawrd how it stings…

Listen, if some of these other smutty websites get hacked, I may have MY personal information out there.

Wait, no I won’t…because I don’t use my real information because I’m not a fucking moron. Fetlife? Yeah, you’re not going to find my real shit on there, but here we are – I DON’T CARE IF YOU KNOW THAT I HAD A FETLIFE ACCOUNT (It wasn’t really my thing anyway as it turns out…sadness). Or any other of the numerous weird shit I’ve participated in.

If I’m going to fuck around on the internet, and lord knows I’ve done it, I’m not going to supply my credit card information and home address while doing it. An email address that can ultimately be connected back to me?  Probably. But that’s how that works.

Oh wait. You knew that even your private dancer, dancer for money email addresses can all be traced back to you by someone who knows what they’re doing…you knew that, right?

Oh honey.

BUT I DIGRESS…we all got our shit. You gotta think about how important it is for you to keep it secret. And, if you REALLY want it secret, whether it be pictures of you giving a blowjob or an account where you’re looking for partners at a “pony play ranch” (I’m looking at you, Livermore, CA…)..whatever your thing is, here’s a really important lifehack for you:


“Oh, but they promised to get rid of my information!”

Oh, did they? Did the website that makes it’s $$ on people who cheat on their spouses? Did they promise? Did they pinky swear?

Puhhhhlllllllease. Shut up.

Like I’ve been saying for years, I will never be able to run for office without running on the “full disclosure platform”. There’s too much of my shit out there. But I KNOW this. And I own it.  I’ve done a lot of crazy (and holy mother of FUN) things, and there are pictures I know about and more that I don’t.  I’ve had text conversations I “shouldn’t have” (SO subjective), and there is an electronic fingerprint for every single keystroke.

The internet is forfuckingever.

Like an anonymous (for reals because my brain can’t be hacked, and no one would bother trying) friend of mine said about his account with Ashley Madison:

“I guess I have to assume that every awful thing I’ve ever done in my life will come out sooner or later, and I should decide now if I really give a shit or not. As for Ashley Madison? I really don’t care. I had some rocking good sex, and also met some freaks that I wouldn’t let in my house to use the bathroom. Overall, it’s a wash.”

This is honestly the only attitude you should have if you used this site ever for anything or any site like it. This is healthy and reasonable. And not chock full o’ denial.

I get it. You got caught cheating AND you’re sore in the butt area that Ashley Madison lied and didn’t flush your personal info. Whatever. They didn’t willingly release your information though, they were hacked. And this can happen (and will happen) to literally every website in existence including banks, credit unions, store credit card lines, government sites, etc.

I just read that someone is suing Ashley Madison because they allowed themselves to be hacked. Oh come on. You’re suing Ashley? Is it the way she was dressed? Was she asking for it?

Seriously shut the entire fuck up. Shhhhhhh.

Go fix your marriage or get a divorce or lie your way out of this (the hackers PLANTED MY INFORMATION…IT WASN’T ME!), and maybe get one of those Lifelock ID Theft Protection Accounts and get on with your day.

This is on you. Own your shit.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s