How Can I Call Myself A Feminist?


I am quickly losing track of what I’m “allowed to do” as someone who is feminist, i.e. someone who holds the idea that women should be treated like human beings and given all the same opportunities to earn and move about the country as freely as men.

I know, I know…crazy shit.

It SEEMS that the rules are unclear, and golly…I’m just so afraid that I will offend other women who believe that women should be free to do what they want to by doing what I want to.

In the last year, I’ve had my feminism challenged for a variety of reasons. I was once asked how I could call myself a feminist when I took my husband’s last name when we were married. I’ve been asked how it is, as a feminist, I justify posting pictures of attractive women in sexualized poses on social media. I’ve been asked why I wear make-up. Why do I wear revealing clothing? How is it that I think body hugging dresses that show my womanly shape is even ok? Or clothing that reveals *gasp* someone’s idea of too much flesh? That’s just “conforming to what society expects of women”, right?

HOW could I possibly be a feminist?

I’ve watched women, the same ones who (rightfully) abhor slut shaming, post on Facebook about this person or that person dressing and grinding like a stripper. “And she calls herself a feminist…but look at her putting herself on display!”

Guys, I like boobs. God help me, I do. I love sex. I like having my hair pulled, and I’m rarely on top when I’m having sex. How can I even call myself a feminist?

I think the sexual dance between a man and a woman, when chemistry is at a high and the lines of “should I or shouldn’t I” are blurred, is hot as fuck. How can I even call myself a feminist?

I like blowjobs. Who the fuck do I even think I AM calling myself a feminist?

Could it be that I feel, as a woman, it’s fully within my rights to do whatever the fuck I want?

“Yes, but you’re confusing the issue when you <insert things here I don’t like that you do because I won’t do it due to my own body issues or personal idea of morality >.  You need to <actions that I am comfortable with>!”

i.e. “You’re confusing men and women when you, as a feminist, do things with your body that you fucking want to do.”


Ladies…seriously, man, some of you are harshing my mellow. Women are not going to gain ground in the halls of equality if we’re still slapping and clawing at each other out of spite and jealousy…under the veil of “your concern for feminism”.

When you see someone “being slutty”, maybe take a minute to breathe in, breathe out….and figure out what it is about this “action” bothers you.

If you see someone – who you thought was “so enlightened”- changing their name when they get married, maybe take a second to remember that the institution of marriage itself USED to be about ownership but has evolved over the years, and that maybe the name change was for personal reasons.

Perhaps, when you see someone wearing make-up, remember that peacocks enjoy being colorful, too, and they almost never read Cosmo.

Take a good hard look in the mirror, if you can, before you challenge someone else’s feminism. You might see one silly motherfucker staring back at you.

Ask yourself, when you mock women for the choices they make: How can you even call yourself a feminist?



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