Oh, my long lost beloved chat logs from the pre-Facebook chat room era, i.e. early to mid 2000s.
They were missing in cyberspace for while since I let my subscription lapse on an old website lapse. I was so sad when I realized they were gone forever.
But an odd ex-boyfriend, for whatever fucking reason, was searching for pics of me on the internet. And, one night, he contacted me to let me know he had found a topless pic of me in the process.
But, while I had him on the line, he was able to help me find some website archive site (you think you deleted something online? Yeah, it’s still there. FOREVER) that had my logs listed.
THANK YOU, FUCKING WEIRDO EX-BOYFRIEND WHO NEEDS TO MOVE ON!
SO PLEASE….read on and enjoy.
NOTE: There are references to chat-room profiles and pictures that are no longer there – Yahoo has had a few revisions in the last decade and most of that stuff is long gone. Truly not pertinent to the stories, though, really.
P.S. I am Betty…if that wasn’t obvious.
P.P.S. I’m not sure what topless picture of me he found. He wouldn’t share.
P.P.P.S. If it’s one I lost, I want to see it, dammit!
P.P.P.P.S. I really do try to keep actual names out of these things. Unless someone is being ridiculous in a violent or stalkerish way (i.e. an actual danger), I keep these anonymous. I’m a dick…but not that much of a dick.
Satanz_revenge: nice profile
satanz_revenge: what do you look like if you don’t mind my asking?
vortexbetty: A chick.
vortexbetty: nm…saw the profile
vortexbetty: how old are you?
satanz_revenge: lol…I have a old pic on my profile …but I’m probably a youngin…
satanz_revenge: oh, okay…
satanz_revenge: you live in oregon?
vortexbetty: I hope not
vortexbetty: then my driver’s license would be wrong.
satanz_revenge: lol…I like you…it’z not very many people that can humor me…
vortexbetty: Why did you just use a Z in ‘it’s’ ?
vortexbetty: I need to know what you were thinking when you did that.
satanz_revenge: it’z just something I do when I’m online under this s/n.
vortexbetty: I see.
vortexbetty: It’z lame as fuck.
vortexbetty: no offense.
satanz_revenge: well, I’m sorry that you think so, I won’t do it anymore while I chat with you, okay?
vortexbetty: That would be divine.
satanz_revenge: You’re an opportunist, aren’t you.
satanz_revenge: Alright, I get the point… I’ll leave you alone…
vortexbetty: You’re entirely too sensitive.
vortexbetty: I was just kind of thinking that you’d like to review the definitions listed for opportunist and get back to me with what about me led you to believe I was one.
vortexbetty: Ready, go.
satanz_revenge: I had asked you that b/c you took the opportunity to make fun of the way I use Z’s in my typing.
vortexbetty: oh, I see.
satanz_revenge: I know what the word means.
vortexbetty: of course you do.
vortexbetty: So, was i unethical or having no regard for my consequences when making fun of you?
satanz_revenge: well, I do not like being treated like I have no intelilgence for using a word that I know very well.
vortexbetty: please see above response: “You’re entirely too sensitive.”
satanz_revenge: you try being treated like you’re stupid for your entire life and tell me how much you like being treated that way.
vortexbetty: I am not your momma, your teachers, or your old girlfriends. I do not fit neatly into your profile of past emotional abusers, so cut that shit out right now. Geezus.
vortexbetty: If you don’t like the way I come across, then don’t talk to me.
vortexbetty: If any of this is unclear, see hobby #3 on my profile.
satanz_revenge: Look, I was not directing my past towards you. I was simply asking you not to treat me like an idiot.
vortexbetty: Then don’t act like one. 🙂
satanz_revenge: I have no right judging you, and I expect the same from other people…I was just trying to be nice to you and you’re being a total bitch to me…talk to you later…goodbye.
vortexbetty: I’m not being a bitch, I’m being me. Quit being so damn whiney. Your name implies that you’re some kind of a bad ass, when clearly you’re a crybaby. Change it to “satanz_whiner” and don’t PM people you don’t know without being ready for a response you’re not fond of.
satanz_revenge: Fuck off…
vortexbetty: *hands you a tissue.
vortexbetty: So…you said, talk to you later…is it later yet?
vortexbetty: The ‘…’ after the so thoughtfully put “fuck off” made me think that maybe you had something to add.
vortexbetty: I miss youuuuuu!!!!
crazy7821: you go for anything on the side?
bettydoesntlikeyou: side? as opposed to the back?
crazy7821: no, i’m meaning do you have sex with guys other than your hubby?
bettydoesntlikeyou: Why do you ask?
bettydoesntlikeyou: Are you trolling for some online poon?
crazy7821: just wondering. I would love to help you out with it if you do.
crazy7821: I’m a 23 y/o Male that is new to the portland area.
bettydoesntlikeyou: I see.
bettydoesntlikeyou: That’s very selfless of you.
bettydoesntlikeyou: 23 huh. Have your testicles even dropped yet?
crazy7821: yeah 23
bettydoesntlikeyou: keep up, sparky.
bettydoesntlikeyou: So, what is that you are hoping to accomplish during your online venture.
crazy7821: yes, they have.
bettydoesntlikeyou: Geezus…you’re kind of slow, aren’t you?
crazy7821: I hope to find someone I can have some good sex with in person.
bettydoesntlikeyou: I see
crazy7821: computer is slow
bettydoesntlikeyou: Did something in my profile lead you to believe that I was a nice and friendly person that wanted to talk to you?
bettydoesntlikeyou: Was it the monkey?
crazy7821: I don’t know. I just thought you might want to do something.
bettydoesntlikeyou: You’re attracted to the monkey in the picture on my profile, aren’t you?
bettydoesntlikeyou: Yes, you are. That’s it exactly.
bettydoesntlikeyou: How do you feel about beastiality?
crazy7821: Sorry bye bye
bettydoesntlikeyou: bye bye?
bettydoesntlikeyou: What…do you not like the way this conversation is going? :))
bettydoesntlikeyou: Hello?? 😦
iriechild77: what’s up
iriechild77: 24/m/tualatin here
vortexbetty: go look at my profile or something. I’m eating my own flesh, let me be.
iriechild77: have any pics that are allitle better than that one, maybe one that actually shows you?
vortexbetty: why do you need to see me?
iriechild77: 2 see if you’re worthy
vortexbetty: I see.
vortexbetty: So where’s YOUR pic then, grandmaster flash?
iriechild77: my pics are all in my hotmail.
vortexbetty: I can’t WAIT to see them.
iriechild77: i can email em if you send me some of you 2
vortexbetty: golly that would be swell…or something.
iriechild77 well allright then send me a couple 2 firstname.lastname@example.org
vortexbetty: Yah, I’ll get right on that, sparky.
vortexbetty: do you mind if I have a huge rash on my left buttocks?
iriechild77: do you mind that I have a large cock?
vortexbetty: No, I don’t mind.
vortexbetty: My husband has a huge cock, too. I’ve grown quite accustomed to them.
vortexbetty: Hey..did something on my profile lead you to believe that I’d be frothing at the mouth over you?
iriechild77: just the fact that your a freak and I’m the shit i guess led me 2 that assumption
vortexbetty: that’s what you meant to type, right?
vortexbetty: I’ll assume that it is.
vortexbetty: No, not ‘whatever’.
vortexbetty: Good grammar and spelling turn me on. .
vortexbetty: How is it, exactly, that you’re ‘the shit’.
vortexbetty: I would like to have that explained to me if you have the time.
vortexbetty: Which I’m guessing you have nothing BUT time to do so…
iriechild77: Go play with your hung hubby. i don’t have the time.
vortexbetty: you don’t? Hmmm. You’re a lousy salesman.
vortexbetty: You PM me wanting to find out if I’m worthy, and you don’t have the time to give me a 2 to 3 sentence dissertation on why you’re the shit?
vortexbetty: I’m so let down.
iriechild77: because I have everything, look, money, personality and balls and that = THE SHIT.
vortexbetty: I see.
vortexbetty: That IS some personality you have there.
vortexbetty: but you didn’t mention the big dick. I think you may have been fibbing about that one.
iriechild77: well i see that as an added bonus 4 a girl. 🙂
iriechild77: I’m not fibbing at all.
vortexbetty: Bonus buys at Fred’s…that’s cool.
vortexbetty: nm. So the money…I suppose you drive a nice car then, right?
iriechild77: depends on which one your talking about.
vortexbetty: gimme the inventory, rodboy, i wanna know what I’m up against here.
iriechild77: jeep, ford, and bmw.
vortexbetty: golly. that’s quite a list.
vortexbetty: what is it that you do for a living.
vortexbetty: customer service at a call center?
iriechild: Oh, I wish.
vortexbetty: I knew it.
vortexbetty: burger flipper.
iriechild77: actually i own 3 companies.
vortexbetty: I see.
vortexbetty: are they babysitting services?
vortexbetty: those are rad.
iriechild77: an auto dealership, a pl;astics company and a ware house.
vortexbetty: wow. how did a young man such as yourself acquire these fictional companies? that’s a mighty impressive undertaking.
iriechild77: well lets see, i got mosta my money by investing money i made from refinancing, then i also had a grip from selling dr*gs. 🙂
vortexbetty: dr*gs? is that like ‘drugs’ but you used the asterisk in place of the u cuz you didn’t REALLY want me to know that’s what you meant?
vortexbetty: that was slick.
iriechild77: goodbye, i hope your day doesn’t get any more boring than it already is.
vortexbetty: Boring? How can you say that? I’m talking to Bill motherfuckin Gates over here.
iriechild77: Being a fat housewife would be boring, right??
vortexbetty: Yah, I suppose so.
vortexbetty: Good thing I’m not that, huh.
iriechild77: Then what do you look like?
vortexbetty: Oh, that again. what made you think I was a fat housewife?
iriechild77: just a guess. I would guess most people on the net are either fat or housewives. 🙂
vortexbetty: well, on that course of thinking, I suppose that would make YOU a fat housewife, too. You wear it well, Mr. Gates.
iriechild77: maybe I am, but i’m not so there goes that theory.
vortexbetty: theories are neat.
iriechild77: so are cell phones.
vortexbetty: um..yes…yes they are.
vortexbetty: so, you must be really popular, being as you’re hot, with a big dick, and you own 3 fictional companies and a fleet of cars. Why are you online trolling for internet poon, anyway?
iriechild77: lol I’m on here cuz i’m bored and i’m talking to a buddy oversea’s.
vortexbetty: no apostrophe
iriechild77: woops. i fucked up
iriechild77: when ya type fast ya fuck up
vortexbetty: hmmm. I don’t.
vortexbetty: so I’m in the market for a car.
vortexbetty: I have a trade in and stuff.
iriechild77: well get a plane ticket cuz my dealerships on the big island of hawaii.
vortexbetty: Oh, I see.
vortexbetty: The plot thickens.
vortexbetty: So the fictional dealership in Hawaii…it it a big one?
iriechild77: nope, not very big
vortexbetty: wow. if I had a fictional dealership, it’d be HUGE!
vortexbetty: what kind of cars do you sell there?
iriechild77: jeeps, trucks and a few cars. mostly 4x4s.
vortexbetty: That must have been hard for you when Hawaii recently passed the bill requiring all gas engines to be converted to gasoline / electric hybrid motors by 2002.
vortexbetty: Are you going to take a huge loss?
iriechild77: That didn’t happen
iriechild77: that didn’t happen
vortexbetty: do you watch the news? Anyway, good luck on that.
vortexbetty: hey hey, what’s with the name calling now, Peter Pan?
iriechild77: Peter Pan?
vortexbetty: go there. I figured you’d heard of him.
iriechild77: no. I know what that page is. I know who he is.
vortexbetty: so in the fictional plastics company, what is it…a manufacturing plant?
vortexbetty: please tell me that you make rubber duckies.
iriechild77: we make anything that you could think of outta plastics.
vortexbetty: even duckies?
vortexbetty: you must be really tired from dealing with all the issues that come up when running 3…count em 3..not one not two but THREE fictional companies.
vortexbetty: and… AND you have three cars.
vortexbetty: I bet three’s your lucky number.
vortexbetty: I bet you like the show “Three’s Company”.
tall_man246: Can we do it?
vortexbetty: huh? what’d I miss.
tall_man246: a golden shower..can we do it?
vortexbetty: Um…I’m afraid you’ve lost me. What are you talking about.
tall_man246: Can we meet?
vortexbetty: Meet? Is that what a golden shower is?
vortexbetty: You should explain it to me.
tall_man246: im jerome and you are
vortexbetty: no I’m not.
tall_man246: who are you?
vortexbetty: And you’re not explaining what I asked you to.
tall_man246: can I call you?
vortexbetty: No. I don’t have a phone in my barn. Sorry ’bout that.
vortexbetty: that rhymes with elephant.
vortexbetty: Yah..could you maybe explain your train of thought to me? I’m fgetting a bit lost over here.
vortexbetty: oh..thanks..the alien smiley fixed it all up for me.
tall_man246: 3:0 got milk?
vortexbetty: I was wondering…
vortexbetty: Do you have a history of blunt force head trauma?
tall_man246: You live in a barn.
vortexbetty: I like livestock. Alot.
tall_man246: go fuck a cow 3:0
vortexbetty: whatever makes you happy, babycakes.
tall_man246: It would be us fucking hard all night.
tall_man246: fuck a cow.
vortexbetty: Is there an echo?
tallman246: yah. bye.
vortexbetty: I’ll miss you.
(I was receiving these idiotic PMs from paddlemaster2001 off and on for months…he could not seem to understand that he was “calling a wrong number”…)
paddlemaster2001: oh good…you’re on.
hurricanebetty: geezus…you again?
paddlemaster2001: why do you say that? I’m sorry I didn’t call. I lost your
hurricanebetty: for the last time, slappy, I have NO idea who you are. Now piss off
and stop PMing me, k?
paddlemaster2001: Oh…so I’m thinking that maybe I’m PMing the wrong
person…is this Sandra?
hurricanebetty: Geezus Christ, man. I’ve been telling you for months
that I’m not your little sub bitch Sandra. GET A CLUE, SLAPNUT!
paddlemaster2001: Ha ha. Her nickname is very similar to yours. Sorry I goofed.
hurricanebetty: Yah, ok. So you realize now that no, I did not give you my phone
number and now maybe you’ll go away?
hurricanebetty: *sigh… I can’t believe that there are people as stupid as you
in this world. How do you get out of your front door every morning? Or do you…
paddlemaster2001: I think you have an attitude. it’s only a PM …relax
hurricanebetty: Nooo….it’s about 50 PMs over the course of several months, slapnut.
paddlemaster2001: no, just this one. have I PMed you before?
paddlemaster2001: You need to relax and take things in relation to their importance.
hurricanebetty: and you need to grow a clue and get your little sub girl’s name written
down right so that you can stop looking to have dom sex with the wrong person.
paddlemaster2001: it’s just a mistaken idenity! You’re not being fair!
hurricanebetty: um…settle down sparky. Go pm your girl. We’re done here.
paddlemaster2001: You’re not being nice at all.
hurricanebetty: * hands you a tissue.
hurricanebetty: You sure are awfully sensetive…for a paddlemaster. Stop crying.
paddlemaster2001: Is your life that important that you have to get mad at someone for a
few characters that they type to you? All knowing oracle?
hurricanebetty: I hardly consider this a crisis situation. Please go back to your dungeon.
hurricanebetty: listen, simpleton, you’re the idiot that I’ve had to tell about a dozen
times, not that you’ve listened, that I don’t know you. It’s truly not my fault that you’re
so damn thick. Puhleease go take some paxil and getback to your master & servant
games, ok? I hope it all works out for you. :X (you big baby)
paddlemaster2001: geez…why don’t you go get laid?
hurricanebetty: I see. Is it cuz I have a low tolerance for whiney “doms” that led you
to believe that I don’t get “laid”, or were you just trying to live vicariously through me?
paddlemaster2001: vicariously? what?
hurricanebetty: http://www.dictionary.com Look it up, swifty.
paddlemaster2001: hey…i wasn’t coming to you as a dom
paddlemaster2001: i was coming to you as someone with a wrong PM. your name is
very similar to a name on my list
hurricanebetty: what list is this? The “Women I bother incessantly cuz I’m too stupid to
follow simple instructions” list ?
paddlemaster2001: as I said it was one simple mistake.
hurricanebetty: made by a simple guy…. *hands you a new tissue
paddlemaster2001: stop that! i’m not crying!
hurricanebetty: of course you’re not. You’re a BIG boy now…yes you ARE! 🙂
padlemaster2001: YOU COULD NEVER MOVE ME TO TEARS, WOMAN!!
hurricanebetty: *hands paddleboy the whole box o’ tissue
hurricanebetty: I think you’re sitting there right now…naked and crying.
paddlemaster2001: Am not.
hurricanebetty: “are too…infinity” :))
hurricanebetty: Are you sucking your thumb, too?
paddlemaster2001: I hate you. Bye!
hurricanebetty: *needs the tissue back….
johny_thunder2001: Hey sexy. I saw your pic online
and I was hoping that you could find time to meet me. …a/s/l ?
bettydoesntlikeyou: oh for godsakes…
johny_thunder2001: What’s wrong?
bettydoesntlikeyou: I have another reject a/s/l’ing me in PM
bettydoesntlikeyou: do you own a mirror?
johny_thunder2001: ok your husband treats you not so good because
johny_thunder2001: so. not my fault
bettydoesntlikeyou: wow. Is that what you got from my comment? I
believe you have missed your calling, Miss Cleo.
johny_thunder2001: i bet im right. cuz your fat to.
bettydoesntlikeyou: *you’re …keep up.
bettydoesntlikeyou: My god but your perceptiveness is amazing
bettydoesntlikeyou: what else do you see?
johny_thunder2001: maybe hes cheating and dosnt think your attractive
johny_thunder2001: does he chat?
bettydoesntlikeyou: No, he’s way too smart to chat.
johny_thunder2001: sure to smart to stick with you
bettydoesntlikeyou: well, I give good head and I make a mean potroast
johny_thunder2001: so do 50% bigdeal. he will get tired of you
bettydoesntlikeyou: god, you might be right. interest may be waning. 11
years is a hell of a long time to endure good BJs and potroast. He could
be leaving any day now.
johny_thunder2001: see i know that. to bad you have no sex.
bettydoesntlikeyou: wait…I missed something. You said you thought I was sexy and
stuff before. when did that change?
johny_thunder2001: I never said that. You lye.
johny_thunder2001: whatever. you fucked up from me
bettydoesntlikeyou: um..translation please?
johny_thunder2001: dat means i dont likeyou.
bettydoesntlikeyou: oh. neat. 🙂 Write again?
hotgentleman_98188: hey sexy
vortexbetty: hey dipshit
vortexbetty: shall I type louder?
hotgentleman: why call a good man dipshit? I am offended.
vortexbetty: when did I do that? :))
hotgentleman_98188: are you there?
vortexbetty: it appears that YOU still are. Yay.
hotgentleman_98188: you would like me. You’ll talk to me decent now.
hotgentleman_98188: are you married?
vortexbetty: can you read my profile? Let me know if you need
help with any of the big words.
hotgentleman_98188: I’m married.
vortexbetty: send her my condolences.
vortexbetty: *types louder
vortexbetty: god, now what.
hotgentleman_98188: sorry. I was disconnected.
vortexbetty: I hadn’t noticed
hotgentleman_98188: Im not happy in my marriage
vortexbetty: tell someone who cares.
hotgentleman_98188: where are you?
vortexbetty: I’m sorry you’re not happy. Go have some gay sex
or something. shake things up abit. Now, shoo.
hotgentleman_98188: I am not gay. I like pussy.
hotgentleman_98188: can we meet?
vortexbetty: you MUST have someone else you can bother.
hotgentleman_98188: why are you not interested?
vortexbetty: because, unlike you, I get sex on a regular basis.
vortexbetty: Oh, and you annoy the fuck out of me.
vortexbetty: …and I almost never fuck annoying people.
hotgentleman_98188: what? how am I annoying?
vortexbetty: have you MET you?
hotgentleman_98188: are you still with me?
vortexbetty: I love your creative use of the words “still”, “with”
hotgentleman_98188: who do you have sex with?
vortexbetty: this is going to be quite a revolutionary thought…but I have
sex with that guy I married. Wacky, huh? You should look into that
whole spouse sex thing.
hotgentleman_98188: I told you I’m not happy in my marriage.
vortexbetty: thanks for making that my problem, really.
hotgentleman_98188: so you’re not interested.
vortexbetty: I couldn’t be less interested if you were the last man left
on earth. I hope you understand.
hotgentleman_98188: you’re a bitch.
vortexbetty: thanks 🙂
gsr_555: ya ya
gsr_555: kindly send me your original pix
vortexbetty: no thanks
gsr_555: otherwise i will be in confusion
gsr_555: whether human beings also will have tile monkeys
vortexbetty: um…k..i’m “in confusion” now.
gsr_555: whether human beings will have tile monkeys
vortexbetty: as mud…
(I log off for an hour…he’s baaack)
gsr_555: i may have to search back of the lady for tile
gsr_555: please clarify immediately i am in a tense
vortexbetty: unable to clarify, sparky…you have me baffled.
gsr_555: I found your pic in your personal data. Ur pics is in
different way and also with tile. Please clarify why it is like that if pic
is not yours please sent original pics other wise i’m going to become
vortexbetty: I have no idea what you’re talking about…you realize
gsr_555: ok can you do me a favour for which i will thankfull
vortexbetty: yah, I’ll get right on that. go away.
gsr_555: kindly send me your pics. its enough for me and i
will not distrub u any more.
vortexbetty: I have a webpage up. find it yourself.
gsr_555: tell me the website name.
(I log off….he’s back again a few hours later)
gsr_555: hello dear.
vortexbetty: *sigh. what now
gsr_555: tell me website name.
vortexbetty: I’m not all that anxious to help you. Figure it out.
gsr_555: really? i am not getting it. where.
gsr_555: i am get error. please take a little strain
gsr_555: even that one
vortexbetty: gosh…really? that’s too bad. You should move on now.
gsr_555: what to do then. can u clarify ‘k’
vortexbetty: simtubbily woo lakka. does that help?
gsr_555: can you tell me what you ar doing now?
vortexbetty: being pestered.
gsr_555: by whom?
vortexbetty: you, brainiac.
gsr_555: i am really a kind of sensetive man wll not do any
harm even to an ant.
gsr_555: u know that
vortexbetty: bye bye
gsr_555: ok but finally pix
vortexbetty: fine. http://profiles.yahoo.com/slim_slowbetty go there.
vortexbetty: you like?
gsr_555: i not know u that kind of girl
vortexbetty: so you don’t like?
gsr_555: that not u. send pic please
vortexbetty: I did. go away now, pesty.
gsr_555: hey sexy send ur pic please
vortexbetty: hey pesty, i already did.
gsr_555: I TOLD U NOT URS SEND NOW.
vortexbetty: you don’t get to tell me what pic is mine, slappy.
take what you’re given.
yourbeautymoney: god, your such a bitch
vortexbetty: oh, quit being so damn sensetive
vortexbetty: lol @ you
yourbeautymoney: naw,,just tired of self important dweebs with no life and no job go away now.
vortexbetty: punkin, I have a job..I’m at work right now…and you PMed me…remember?
yourbeautymoney: no doubt you are earning your money by being a whore
vortexbetty: please don’t tell…k?
yourbeautymoney: i am earning mine whore
vortexbetty: k..but I think that’s illegal, ‘cept in Nevada.
vortexbetty: yer so sweet & stuff 🙂 oxox
yourbeautymoney: gee, have I made you mad?
vortexbetty: yes, I believe I may have to urinate on myself now. 😦
yourbeautymoney: your a sick whore
yourbeautymoney: i’m what
yourbeautymoney you should get out more
vortexbetty: damn…you’re right. I’ve run out of names to call the fruitflies in my kitchen. 😦
vortexbetty: are you a wookie?
yourbeautymoney: get some real satisfaction from real interation, instead of trying tp get a rise out of starngers by snipping at casual ecounters and thinking your hot
vortexbetty: ok, now I’m just too tired to correct all that was wrong with THAT sentence, so
all I can say to that is: “No…you!” 🙂
vortexbetty: Punkin, if you’re done now, I have things to do…i hope you feel better. 🙂
yourbeautymoney: fuck off.
yourbeautymoney: go get laid and have sex
vortexbetty: laid AND have sex? ok …but …ok.
yourbeautymoney: fuck off bitch.
yourbeautymoney: you whore
vortexbetty: see, now you’re confusing me with this…am I a whore…or do I need to get
laid…? Oh, dear, I’m so puzzled. 😦
vortexbetty: Yesss…we’ve been over this.
vortexbetty: *hands you a tissue
yourbeautymoney: BITC I DONT NEED A TISSUE CUZ IM NOT MAD OR CRYING BITCH
vortexbetty: *hands you the box
yourbeautymoney: maybe some therapy would help
vortexbetty: *hands you the yellow pages turned to “P”
yourbeautymoney: NOT ME BITCH YOU
vortexbetty: I love you. :X
yourbeautymoney: STOP PMing ME!! BITCH WHORE BITCH!
vortexbetty: k…I’ll try my bestest & stuff.
yourbeautymoney: leave me alone
vortexbetty: I’ll miss youuuuuuu.
wilzardthespy: i read through all your chat logs on the geocities page
wilzardthespy: i havent had such a good lugh in a long time
vortexbetty: Are you on there yet?
wilzardthespy: its kinda funny how many ppl try to pick up on a chick.
wilzardthespy: do you get like 50, 60 dumbasses a day?
vortexbetty: At least
wilzardthespy: lol thought so
wilzardthespy: i used to be one of them
wilzardthespy: i got smart
vortexbetty: yay for you
wilzardthespy: yeah what i do now is
wilzardthespy: i was joking
wilzardthespy: i was hoping youd laugh
vortexbetty: I am laughing…on the inside.
wilzardthespy: anyways, they should put you on a radio talk show or something
wilzardthespy: so ppl can call you and you can put them down 1001 ways
wilzardthespy: you could make fun of my job
wilzardthespy: i work as a call center technical support representative
vortexbetty: Oh, good lord….tell me you don’t work for ‘Stream’
wilzardthespy: yeah, i work there
vortexbetty: God…it figures.
wilzardthespy: i am not fat, but i would say that about 95% of the bastards
there are 300+ pounds
wilzardthespy: its sad really seeing these guys that will be a virgin there who will be a virgin there whole life.
wilzardthespy: its pathetic though
vortexbetty: Hello? Black Pot? Kettle?
vortexbetty: …you must spend alot of time picking these poor guys out
of the crowd.
wilzardthespy: its simple work if you have a brain and it pays ok
wilzardthespy: i have nothing else to do except look at a computer screen
and ogle the few women around or look at the fat bastards that walk past
vortexbetty: How old are you anyway, skippy?
wilzardthespy: how about you?
vortexbetty: 30…like the profile says, wilzard.
wilzardthespy: forgot i read it about 20 minutes ago
wilzardthespy: i bet you make a mean sheapards pie
vortexbetty: It’s “shepherd’s” …and what leads you to believe this?
wilzardthespy: potroast is similar
wilzardthespy: it came
wilzardthespy: so how much time do you spend here?
vortexbetty: at least 15 hours a day
wilzardthespy: i get burnt out after about an hour or so
vortexbetty: You thought I was serious?
wilzardthespy: yeah I did
wilzardthespy: is that your behind in the pic?
vortexbetty: No, it’s my ass
wilzardthespy: synonymous with behind
wilzardthespy: you have long hair
wilzardthespy: my x had hair that long as well
vortexbetty: I cut it.
wilzardthespy: whatever for?
vortexbetty: personal preference
wilzardthespy: but it takes years to gro hair that long
wilzardthespy: that’s a big decision
vortexbetty: It’s just hair, slappy, and mine grows fast.
wilzardthespy: yeah, so does mine
wilzardthspy: i had this notion of perming my hair into a fro last summer
vortexbetty: How gross.
wilzardthespy: but it got too hot so i just shaved it
vortexbetty: good idea
wilzardthespy: all my friends laughed at my idea though
vortexbetty: That must happen alot to you.
wilzardthespy: look at my profile
wilzardthespy: I recently shaved so that I could have lambchops
vortexbetty: That’s “swell”….brb
vortexbetty: You have a mullet.
wilzardthespy: NO ITS NOT A MULLET
wilzardthespy: its the same length all the way around
vortexbetty: if you insist.
vortexbetty: http://www.mulletsgalore.com Check that out..get back to me.
wilzardthespy: I do not have a mullet. i don’t drive an iroc
vortexbetty: Denial is an ugly thing, wilzard.
wilzardthespy: yes it is
wilzardthespy: i am lookng through these mullet classifications.
wilzardthespy: there are about 100 of them
wilzardthespy: with pics
vortexbetty: Yeah? I know.
wilzardthespy: I am seeing if maybe it is a mullet…its gonna take a while
vortexbetty: There’s no “maybe” about it….save yourself the time.
wilzardthespy: I can dream
vortexbetty: Aim high, slappy
10 minutes later…
wilzardthespy: I think it’s a camaro mullet
wilzardthespy: I looked at tons of them
wilzardthespy: are you there?
wilzardthespy: i came to tell you I have a mullet
wilzardthespy: are you happy now????
bigd4u971232001: Hey sexy! I saw your pic and wanted to tell you that your hot. Are you busy?
bettydoesntlikeyou: Hello huge pain in the ass.
bettydoesntlikeyou: What is it that you need?
bigd4u971232001: i was trying to be nice
bigd4u971232001: huge bitch
bettydoesntlikeyou: and yet you keep PMing me. lol
bigd4u971232001: i dont think so
bettydoesntlikeyou: You’re too sensitive, slappy.
bigd4u971232001: i was trying to be nice and you dog me
bigd4u971232001: dont call me slappy
bettydoesntlikeyou: you would prefer I call you ‘skippy’ ?
bigd4u971232001: yah, skippy is cool
bettydoesntlikeyou: ok then, slappy.
bettydoesntlikeyou: run along now. 🙂
bigd4u971232001: you too, with all your fake shit
bettydoesntlikeyou: fake shit? :))
bettydoesntlikeyoiu: what’s fake…besides my nails?
bigd4u971232001: if it aint fake throw up a webcam
bettydoesntlikeyou: throw up on a webcam? alright…then…?
bigd4u971232001: yah..throw one on.
bettydoesntlikeyou: what are you even yammering about, anyway?
bigd4u971232001: i don tknow
bigd4u971232001: turn cam on
bettydoesntlikeyou: what cam??
bettydoesntlikeyou: good lord, you’re kind of a moron
bettydoesntlikeyou: but you’ve probably heard all this before, yes?
bigd4u971232001: yeah i am actually
bigd4u971232001: never heard it but i think i am a moron
bigd4u971232001: your right
bigd4u971232001: now your a spelling champ
bettydoesntlikeyou: *you’re…and no ‘now’ about it.
bigd4u971232001: i bet you didnt even garduate college
bettydoesntlikeyou: Yeah, I probably didn’t…but don’t tell my boss & stuff. I might lose my license to practice medicine. 😉
bigd4u971232001: oh ok
bigd4u971232001: some cheesey ass job
bettydoesntlikeyou: Would you like to supersize that? (wink wink 😉 )
bigd4u971232001: yah…no degrees
bettydoesntlikeyou: 98 degrees is a neat group. 🙂
bettydoesntlikeyou: Ok, shmoop, I’m real busy & stuff. Could you maybe take your dog and pony show elsewhere? 🙂
bigd4u971232001: no experience, shitty pay
bettydoesntlikeyou: I know, huh. I may not be able to afford this month’s rent on my double wide. Could you loan me a quarter? 🙂
bigd4u971232001: you are a poney
bettydoesntlikeyou: A pony? 🙂
bettydoesntlikeyou: I like ponies! :))
bigd4u971232001: No, a phonie.
bettydoesntlikeyou: You mean, a p-h-o-n-y ?
bettydoesntlikeyou: look into it, slappy.
bigd4u971232001: i dont think so
bigd4u971232001: i dont do dictionarys
bettydoesntlikeyou: LOL that’s apparent. 🙂
bettydoesntlikeyou: It’s not that hard of a site to navigate…
bigd4u971232001: what the fuck are you a english teacher?
bigd4u971232001: shut the fuck up
bettydoesntlikeyou: shut up?
bigd4u971232001: your the biggest fuckin dumbass i have seen on here
bigd4u971232001: shut the fuck up!
bettydoesntlikeyou: —-> :O
bigd4u971232001: your the biggest fucking dumbass on chat
bettydoesntlikeme: (*you’re) I am? Really? That’s quite a trick.
bigd4u971232001: so lets see what you look like
bigd4u971232001: prove me wrong
dirtydeej2000: nice pic
vortexbetty: remind you of when you were younger?
*NOTE: I was playing with different pics that day…I have no idea what it was when he
PMed me. LOL Sorry!!
dirtydeej2000: Yah, how’d you know?
vortexbetty: just a hunch
dirtydeej2000: like the one on your back?
vortexbetty: much like it…only bigger.
dirtydeej2000: like your ass?
vortexbetty: no…a little smaller than my ass.
vortexbetty: aren’t you glad that you PMed me? 🙂
dirtydeej2000: hell yeah
dirtydeej2000: how does your husband put up with your shit?
vortexbetty: I don’t know…would you like to write him a letter and ask him?
vortexbetty: I’m sure he’d be happy to use teeny words so that you’d have no trouble understanding…c’mon.
dirtydeej2000: monosylabic mongoloid over here can not fathom such complexities
vortexbetty: that’s unfortunate.
vortexbetty: Well, if you didn’t want to know how he put up with me, why did you ask?
Well, he went away…but a week later he PMs me again…
I guess this conversation wasn’t memorable enough for him.
And now for PART TWO ( warning…it’s long!)
dirtydeej2000: i love the betty page devil pic
vortexbetty: I do, too.
dirtydeej2000: do you have a devilish tail like her?
vortexbetty: well, no, I don’t…do you?
vortexbetty: Mine was removed at birth
vortexbetty: I do have a nubbin, though.
vortexbetty: I hope you don’t think I’m kidding
vortexbetty: do you like amputees?
dirtydeej2000: lots in pdx
vortexbetty: you don’t?
dirtydeej2000: i guess i dont
vortexbetty: why why why?
vortexbetty: I have good qualities
dirtydeej2000: I dont really know any, so i guess i dont dislikethem
dirtydeej2000: i dont know any
vortexbetty: do you want to see my nubbin
dirtydeej2000: they are people too
vortexbetty: is that why you PMed me?
dirtydeej2000: nope i just like your pic
dirtydeej2000: i am a fan of page, and betties world wide
vortexbetty: My name is betty
dirtydeej2000: i know
dirtydeej2000: do you really have a severed limb?
vortexbetty: no, I have a nubbin
vortexbetty: I never said a severed limb
dirtydeej2000: a 3rd nipple?
vortexbetty: no, where my tail was. I told you this
vortexbetty: it moves when i want it to
vortexbetty: it’s got a bit of bone still in it.
vortexbetty: I can wag it like a dog.
dirtydeej2000: does your hubby love your nubbin?
vortexbetty: my hubby doesn’t know about it.
dirtydeej2000: you have got to be joking
vortexbetty: it’s my dirty little secret. he’s never seen it.
vortexbetty: I would never joke about something so serious. I hate you.
dirtydeej2000: where is it on your tailbone, in between your butt cheeks?
vortexbetty: it’s above that…at the tip of my tailbone.
vortexbetty: do you want to see me wag it?
dirtydeej2000: sure show me
vortexbetty: where do you want to meet?
dirtydeej2000: stop bullshitting me
vortexbetty: what? I get out on the weekends.
dirtydeej2000: you are not for real
vortexbetty: 😦 😦 Bullshitting?
vortexbetty: That’s really not for you to say.
vortexbetty: you don’t know meeeeeeeee.
dirtydeej2000: do you show your ass to every dude you see?
vortexbetty: I don’t have to wear the monitor anymore, so I can leave the grounds
this weekend if you want to meet.
dirtydeej2000: what would your dude say?
vortexbetty: my dude?
vortexbetty: oh, my husband? he hates to be called dude.
dirtydeej2000: the lowjack got cut off?
vortexbetty: I don’t like to call it that. It makes me feel like a criminal.
vortexbetty: I think it was just put there for my safety. or others…i don’t remember.
dirtydeej2000: Ok, what does your hubby think?
vortexbetty: about what?
dirtydeej2000: about you leaving the domicile to meet dudes
dirtydeej2000: to show them your nubbit
vortexbetty: he doesn’t know
vortexbetty: Since I’ve been away, he doesn’t have time to track my activities.
dirtydeej2000: do you have playthings eslewhere?
dirtydeej2000: besides the hubby?
vortexbetty: I have to report in to the head nurse though once a week. She’s cool about it.
dirtydeej2000: you are funny
vortexbetty: why am I funny?
dirtydeej2000: nurse rachet?
vortexbetty: No, her name is ‘Connie’.
vortexbetty: Tomorrow is her birthday.
vortexbetty: We get cake! 🙂 Yay!
dirtydeej2000: So are you in an institution, or are you just very imaginative?
vortexbetty: I don’t call it an institution.
vortexbetty: it’s just a nice getaway
vortexbetty: It’s almost like a Hilton
dirtydeej2000: for fruitcakes?
vortexbetty: I don’t like fruitcake. It’s too dense.
dirtydeej2000: Or compulsive liars?
vortexbetty: I like chocolate and yellow cake.
dirtydeej2000: makes you fart?
vortexbetty: I don’t like to do that.
vortexbetty: it bothers the nubbin.
vortexbetty: I just burp.
dirtydeej2000: where do you really live?
vortexbetty: it’s in salem.
vortexbetty: but my house is in salem.
dirtydeej2000: what are you in for?
vortexbetty: I’m just resting!
vortexbetty: I’M NOT IN JAIL I’M NOT IN JAIL.
dirtydeej2000: why are you there?
vortexbetty: I told you.
dirtydeej2000: what is the institution then?
dirtydeej2000: A psych ward?
vortexbetty: I guess.
vortexbetty: but like I said, I don’t have to wear the ankley thingy boo anymore so it’s not
like they can monitor me.
dirtydeej2000: are you depressed, schizophrenic, bipolar, what?
vortexbetty: I’m not depressed. 🙂
vortexbetty: do you like me? 🙂
dirtydeej2000: never met you
dirtydeej2000: don’t know if you are for real
vortexbetty: I’m as real as Ally McBeal, Neil.
dirtydeej2000: She’s about as real as a farity tail.
dirtydeej2000: that shit is so ridicolous I hate that show
vortexbetty: I don’t know what a farity tale is.
vortexbetty: I like ferrets. Alot.
dirtydeej2000: a FAIRY!
vortexbetty: it’s not a show
vortexbetty: it’s real
vortexbetty: a farity is like a fairy?
dirtydeej2000: and so is your nubbit, right?
vortexbetty: It’s a nubbin
vortexbetty: Not a nubbit.
vortexbetty: Don’t make fun of it. 😦
dirtydeej2000: Ally McBeal was created for women, by women, it’s stuid as hell.
vortexbetty: I’m a woman
vortexbetty: And she’s real
vortexbetty: Don’t be mean. 😦
dirtydeej2000: you think it’s realisitc dream on.
dirtydeej2000: you and delusional women world wide
vortexbetty: it’s the most realist show out there.
vortexbetty: do you want to get a sammich with me?
vortexbetty: I like corned beef. Alot.
dirtydeej2000: you are in salem, i am in pdx
dirtydeej2000: and no, not if you think ally mcbeal is real
vortexbetty: i can take the bus to pdx
dirtydeej2000: you need to get real
vortexbetty: I do? 🙂 why? 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
dirtydeej2000: That will only take 2 hours, right?
vortexbetty: where do you want to go?
dirtydeej2000: I still don’t belive you.
dirtydeej2000: do you have a real pic?
vortexbetty: I don’t think they let us upload pics here.
dirtydeej2000: you sure are witty
vortexbetty: Thanks :X:X:X:X
vortexbetty: How old are you?
vortexbetty: we’re having a dance here next week. Will you be my date?
dirtydeej2000: to what the psycho ball?
dirtydeej2000: I have to work next weekend.
vortexbetty: I meant the weekend after.
dirtydeej2000: you got a husband, take him.
vortexbetty: he’s in Alaska
vortexbetty: Do you have dancing shoes?
vortexbetty: you can wear mine. I have a spare
dirtydeej2000: they will be too small.
vortexbetty: what size shoe do you wear?
vortexbetty: I wear a 12.
dirtydeej2000: You must be tall.
vortexbetty: Yah. I’m 5’3″.
dirtydeej2000: And you’re a 12? Don’t belive you again
dirtydeej2000: how much do you weigh?
vortexbetty: Fuck off. Now you’re making fun of my feet?
vortexbetty: I weigh 103 now. They made me gain weight down here.
dirtydeej2000: I just find it hard to belive but it could be possible
dirtydeej2000: well, take the bus to portland then
vortexbetty: so when you come take me to the dance, will you bring me a flower?
dirtydeej2000: don’t like dances
vortexbetty: we can make out in the nurse’s lounge
dirtydeej2000: why do i have to go to salem for that?
vortexbetty: Cuz i can’t leave the county
vortexbetty: portland is in a different county than salem
dirtydeej2000: that’s not what you said earlier
dirtydeej2000: you probably have a boyfriend there anyway
vortexbetty: I don’t think he’s my boyfriend.
vortexbetty: He still makes me call him doctor, and I only see him on Tues and Thurs.
dirtydeej2000: Do you wear a nurses uniform?
vortexbetty: No, it’s against the rules to impersonate staff, and I promised I wouldn’t do
it ever again.
vortexbetty: it would be a violation
dirtydeej2000: it sounds like you like being violated
vortexbetty: why do you say that?
dirtydeej2000: you have a wild fantasy world, huh?
vortexbetty: what do you mean?
dirtydeej2000: be real with me. and stop fucking around
vortexbetty: I am. 😦
dirtydeej2000: You don’t want to get out, do you?
vortexbetty: of what
dirtydeej2000: I thought you said they don’t monitor you
vortexbetty: not as much
vortexbetty: like I said, no thingy on my ankle
dirtydeej2000: can you go to portland?
vortexbetty: I “can” but I’m really not supposed to.
dirtydeej2000: so you really had a lowjack?
vortexbetty: they didn’t call it that, but it probably was one.
vortexbetty: they said it was for mine and other’s safety. whatever that means
dirtydeej2000: so when is the last time you got to portland?
vortexbetty: right before that one incident that landed me here….so …about 3 years.
dirtydeej2000: what was that?
dirtydeej2000: what did you do?
dirtydeej2000: what happened?
vortexbetty: I can’t talk about it
dirtydeej2000: sure you can…you’ve told me everything else.
vortexbetty: Not everything.
dirtydeej2000: do tell
dirtydeej2000: WHAT DID YOU DO?
dirtydeej2000: stop lying
vortexbetty: it had to do with an animal next door and a dumb law that’s still on the books and I don’t want to say anymore.
dirtydeej2000: SO WHAT HAPPENED?
dirtydeej2000: did you hurt the animal?
dirtydeej2000: what did you do to it?
vortexbetty: the animal was not hurt
dirtydeej2000: WHAT HAPPENED?
vortexbetty: I’d rather not say.
dirtydeej2000: please tell me.
dirtydeej2000: who am I gonna tell? I don’t even know you.
dirtydeej2000: your secret is safe with me
dirtydeej2000: TELL ME!
dirtydeej2000: When is the last time you had sex?
vortexbetty: not too long ago
vortexbetty: Last session.
dirtydeej2000: with the doctor?
dirtydeej2000: your therepist?
dirtydeej2000: yes or no?
vortexbetty: I’m going to go now.
vortexbetty: and don’t say anything about the dog
vortexbetty: what? why no?
dirtydeej2000: what happened
dirtydeej2000: to the dog? anything sexual?
vortexbetty: I guess it’s not legal
vortexbetty: so I shouldn’t say
dirtydeej2000: NO DON’T GO
dirtydeej2000: tell me more about yourself .. forget the dog
dirtydeej2000: I will
dirtydeej2000: so have you been in for 3 years?
vortexbetty: I can’t forget
vortexbetty: Do you like puppies?
vortexbetty: I’m going to go now. bye.
dirtydeej2000: no,wait. I like puppies.
vortexbetty: I guess it’s wrong to.
vortexbetty: You should be careful.
dirtydeej2000: I don’t judge.
vortexbetty: no, they said it was wrong.
vortexbetty: I have to go now
dirtydeej2000: who’s “they”
vortexbetty: I’m having thoughts
dirtydeej2000: no, talking is good.
dirtydeej2000: when do you get out?
vortexbetty: for good? or what
dirtydeej2000: to visit? people & stuff.
vortexbetty: um…this weekend.
dirtydeej2000: are you a brunette?
dirtydeej2000 are you cute?
dirtydeej2000: I bet you are. Smart too, huh
vortexbetty: I like pie.
vortexbetty: dogs are bad.
vortexbetty: I have to go now bye
dirtydeej2000: why? tell me what happened?
vortexbetty: what happened?
dirtydeej2000: to you.
vortexbetty: I like sammiches. Do you want to get one with me?
dirtydeej2000: until you come clean and be honest you will have bad thoughts
and be uncomfrortable with yourself.
vortexbetty: Bye! 🙂