Lilith

You know how everything is the woman’s fault? It’s a tale as old as time, really. A professional sports-ball player has a lousy game? Clearly it’s the new girlfriend’s fault. He was FINE before she came along. Your favorite band breaks up? Obviously a woman fucked shit up, right? This catastrophe has even been named after a woman: They refer to it as being “Yokoed” and Yoko’s only offense was that she existed. Oh and tricking John Lennon into falling in love with her, thereby splitting up The Beatles. Sure, that makes sense.

Women have been scapegoats for-fucking-ever, being blamed for men’s behavior and other such tragedies in the most asinine ways.

But the original scapegoat?

I mean you could say the O.G. is Eve since she allegedly ate a damn apple which, for some reason, caused an eternity of sin and guilt. FOR EATING AN APPLE. Let’s go ahead and throw in a talking snake to prop up the believability factor in that story. Oh yeah, and her whoreish apple-eating is also the reason it hurts like a motherfucker to give birth. “Unto the woman he said, ‘I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children.”

COOL, CHRISTIAN-GOD, YOU SOUND LIKE AN ABUSIVE, NARCISSISTIC PRICK, BUT OK.

But even before Eve ruined everything for everyone who would ever exist ever, we had:

Meet Lilith.

While Eve was supposedly created directly from Adam’s rib (let me tell you, super-possessive dudes fucking love that part), many versions of Lilith’s origin story say that she was the woman implied in Christian-bible’s Book of Genesis and that she sprang forth from the same exact soil Adam did…among other things because no one can get their stories straight for some reason.

What a lot of the stories DO have in common is that Lilith refused to be subservient or submissive in any way to her husband, he got salty about it, she was like yeah, tough, and he threw a fit. So she was like, you know what, fuck this. She noped-the-fuck-out and away from Adam and the “perfection of Eden” blah blah blah, then told everyone including the three angels sent to retrieve her to get bent.

Some say her demonic offspring were Adam’s, but others have written that an archangel named Samael was the true babydaddy of her hellspawn (“Adam, you are NOT the father”). These sweet babies are sometimes identified as incubi and succubi because of course anything that comes from a disobedient woman’s womb is monstrous and will bleed you dry. I’m almost surprised that the phrase “gold digger” isn’t found anywhere in the old testament.

A personal favorite little ditty of mine is from Isaiah 34:

“Her castles shall be overgrown with thorns, her fortresses with thistles and briers. She shall become an abode for jackals and a haunt for ostriches.” 

Well THAT’S fucking rude. Can’t you just let her move on? No, of course not.

The Talmud, an equally whimisical Jewish text, states that it’s “forbidden for a man to sleep alone in a house, lest Lilith get hold of him” as Lilith is said to fertilize herself with male sperm to give birth to other demons.

(Excited Oprah Voice) “YOU GET A DEMON! AND YOU GET A DEMON! AND YOU GET A…”

Obviously. The temptress who lures men into being sinful and then poops out demon babies. Of course. Your husband’s can’t control themselves around Lilith’s Vagina Devil Magic! It’s not their fault, their wieners just could not be STOPPED. 

She’s also known as “Lilith: She who weakens the children of men.” Some stories reveal that, when she refused the three angels’ demands to go back so that Adam could lord over – excuse me, try and FAIL to lord over her a bit more, and to make them go the fuck away, she agreed to “let hundreds of her children die” because I guess Adam was *that* horrible to live with I guess? Which of course that meant that Christian-god was doing the killing of the babies but blaming it on Lilith. Yeah, that checks out.

So it’s pretty clear that the men who crafted biblical works of multiple origins in multiple religions really hated women and felt the need to create a feminine scapegoat for a myriad of tragedies and it seems that’s been a trend that’s just never quite died. Lilith won’t do as she’s told, she hates doin it missionary style, she makes your men wanna bang strangers, she spawns demons, she kills babies – FEMINAZI, AMIRIGHT?

Honestly, like every other inconsistent religious text, there are a buttload of other angles depending on which angry fuckboy wrote it, but they all basically say the same shit: Disobedient women ruin men, kill babies, spew demons from vagina, and wreak havoc upon world.

My personal takeaway from this? Be more like Lilith.

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