The scene is a familiar one, to me anyway: I'm leaving a party at a friends house in Hillsboro, Oregon with every intention of going home but my still "too-tipsy-on-shitty hard-lemonade-to-drive" ass got distracted by something shiny and ended up making questionable decisions that would absolutely for sure keep me off the "eligible to donate blood" list for a … Continue reading Angel, Hard Lemonade, and the Angriest Rednecks

I was driving down the road yesterday, and out of nowhere, I had a visceral realization as to why women are obsessed with serial killers. It’s so simple, really: It's because the killers are men. Not monsters, not an enigma, not the stuff of make-believe. They are real men who we went to school with and had … Continue reading Loving Men Who Kill Us

I started doing stand-up comedy in 2002. It happened by accident, really, and one the things I loved about it is that I was getting paid to say the same shit I'd say anyway regardless of a mic or a stage. Wait, what? You're going to give me free alcohol and enough money to pay … Continue reading Free Speech, Comedy, and Not Being a Dick

I remember the first time I was outraged by gender inequality. I mean legitimately outraged. It was 1996 and I found out that a male counterpart of mine was being paid a significant amount more than I, and I was completely shocked. How could this happen? How could this be permitted? Why was I being … Continue reading Yes, Virginia, the rules have changed…

When I was in New Hampshire several years ago, I went home with this woman after we got off work at the bar we were both employed at. It had been a long day, and we both figured we might drink and fool around a bit now that we were outta there. We climbed the janky stairs to … Continue reading Blood, Snakes, and Arsenio Hall